Why it’s hard to make friends after you turn 50

I moved back to Ottawa-permanently-when I turned 32. And even thought I was just in my early 30’s I found it hard to meet people and make friends. It took me a while. So I understand how hard it must be to make friends after turning 50.

I’ve met a number of women in my networking group who listed “making friends” as a reason for joining. For most of them, they had just changed jobs, moved to Ottawa, and didn’t know anybody.

I get it; after your turn 40, there’s lots of reasons why making friends is more challenging. And to be honest, for a lot of people (especially parents) that isn’t even a priority. For one thing, there’s competing responsibilities: Work, family obligations, and other commitments can limit the time and energy available for nurturing new friendships.

Let’s not forget the time constraints: Forming close friendships requires significant time investment. Research shows that it takes about 50 hours to make casual friends, and over 200 hours to develop close friendships. That means you’ve got to put in A LOT of hours if you want to have friends!

And then, as adults, there’s the lack of shared contexts: Unlike school or places of work, there are fewer structured settings that naturally bring us together. 

I hate to mention this one, but decreased patience and attention spans definitely don’t help. These days, our fast-pace of living and impatience can make it harder to develop the intimacy required for deep friendships.

So after the age of 50 it IS much harder to make friends. And yet, it is possible. I don’t know if anyone else experienced this, but I successfully made a “covid friend.” Yes, Susan and I met over a zoom meeting. And to my absolute delight, I found I had so much in common with her. So four years down the road, this friendship is thriving. And yes, sometimes we still zoom.

I don’t have all the answers, but despite the challenges, making friends after 50 is still possible and beneficial. But it will definitely take longer than in did when you were younger. Still, I’m going to encourage you to give it a try, persist, and work on making new friends. You might be surprised at who you meet-and how they enrich your life.